KG’s Top Stories of 2010

10. TSA Patdowns

Airport security got so bogged down in 2010 that the TSA had to place a limit on how many times travelers could go through the patdown line. “If we don’t get you off with two patdowns, we’re not doing our jobs,” said one official.

In a related top 10 item:
CEBU Pacific Stewardesses

9. Facebook Tops 550,000 Faces

We’ve identified the three people who are not using more flattering, non-Photoshopped pictures from at least 10 years ago. We note that 8% of all companies with 1,000 or more employees have fired somebody because of their postings on social media.

8. BP Fouls the Environment

“Ouch! That’s going to leave a mark.”

7. Top 10 Sex Videos (“Oops!)

There’s actually a website identifying the Top 10 Sex Videos of 2010. Surprisingly, only 5 of these come from anybody you’ve heard of before. It’s like Dancing with the Stars without clothes.

6. NFL Selects Non-Octogenarian to Perform at Halftime

For the first time since Janet Jackson’s “accidental” wardrobe malfunction, the NFL opted for a halftime act featuring performers under 80 who are not presumed dead by the majority of American viewers. The Black-Eyed Peas will rock the stage in Dallas when the playoffs culminate, like in June or something like that.

Related News about Octogenarian Players:

Brett Farve Retires

Oh, wait. False alarm.

5. All Republicans are Witches

The 2010 election run-up provided evidence and denials that all GOP candidates are witches.

4. Rod Blagojevich convicted of being a first-rate asswipe

Yet we still see this moron and his idiotic haircut on TV as a pseudo-celebrity and commercial spokesman.

3. Library of Congress Archives Tweets

Because we really care what Alyssa Milano had for breakfast yesterday. Well, I do, but hard to believe that 20 years down the road anyone else might. This inspires me to tweet all kinds of useless crap that librarians will sift through years from now.

2. Somebody Noticed CBS Fired its Early Show Cast

The news is not that there’s a whole new cast of young lambs at the wolf’s trough on CBS’ Early Morning, but that somebody noticed.

Other Famous Firings: Conan O’Brien Fires Himself from Access Cable Gig; Kathy Griffin Fired for being a Pottymouth; Bronco’s Coach and General Voyeur Josh McDaniels, David Hasselhoff, Paula Abdul, Keith Olberman (almost), NPR’s Juan Williams, and the Kansas City Royals’ manager, whoever the hell he was.

1. Wikileaks

Not that Assange and his crew of citizen jerkalists released embarrassing, diplomatically sensitive documents that threatened U.S. national security, but that U.S. and World Governments forgot the cardinal rule, “If you don’t want anybody to see it, don’t put it on the internet.”

The Hard Stuff: Getting in PW, Free Listings on Published.com

The Bible of the publishing industry is Publishers Weekly.  If you are recently published, self-published or soon-to-be-published, you need to be in the Publisher’s Weekly Title Announcement pages.  Your listing also includes an online catalog page.

For Print Issue Publication Date:  Jan 24
Deadline:  mid December
(Even after Dec. 15, I believe you can still post your online catalog page and be included in the next Title Announcement Issue later in the year).

http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/new-titles/adult-announcements/article/45005-pw-spring-2011-announcements.html

The PW title announcements are read by almost every reputable bookseller in the United States.  Even thought it is primarily a categorized list of titles and authors, it is the resource most used in determining which new releases hit the bookstore shelves.  You want to be in it!   Hurry!

Another resource you should check out:  Published.com

http://www.published.com/

Get listed in this site’s massive directory.  Use the resources to find reviewers.

With three decades of PR experience, including several iconic campaigns, Kerry Gleason’s latest venture is an e-book, “The Hard Stuff:  How to Promote and Publicize Your Book.”  Expected publication date is January 2011.

Looking for a New Dish

A friend of mine just booted a roommate, citing irreconcilable dish-erences. Until then, I hadn’t really thought of leaving dishes in the sink to be a fire-able offense, but after hearing the horror of it all, decided it’s a behavioral gateway to other bad acts, and before you know it, one of those people is leaving their dirty clothes in open spaces, not taking out trash and engaging in terrible slothfulness.

I am reformed in this area. I wish I could say there was some revelation or deal-changing event that caused my behavioral swing, but I dealt with this sickness in a very simplistic manner. I got rid of all my dishes.

That’s not to say it was easy. When I moved into my first apartment, my new college degree gave me the good sense to know I could never exist eating caveman style with my hands out of my cookware. I went to a garage sale and bought a set of sturdy dishes with a rudimentary green circle around the edge. The set contained about 82 pieces, including plates, bread plates, cups, saucers, cereal bowls, veggie bowls, mixing bowls, serving bowls, and probably some items I’ve forgotten. I paid $9.

These plates were my daily vessels for more than 20 years, surviving 9 moves to four different cities. One of my moves was a result of a roommate’s marriage nuptials, and his fiancee refused to have his dinnerware, almost new, because it did not match the curtains or something of the sort, and she kindly donated them to me. These dishes were brighter than my olive-striped plates, with splashes of blue and green and salmon along the ridges. Very nice. I was grateful. I kept the olive drab, well, because they were still functional. I’m loyal to my friends.

When my Mom went into a nursing home around 1999, I moved into the family homestead. My pastel dishware served me well for most of that time. Mom had a set of “good dishes” that were antiques, which were ivory with a pale, pea-soup colored border and rooster design in the center, with some decorative, metallic trim, possibly a lead-based paint, on the edges. The metallic trim would likely cause them to explode in the microwave, and so these heirlooms were boxed and kept safe, but never used.

I got around to cleaning the basement to make a functional workshop several years later, and found another set of plates. These were extremely cool. A bright white plate with sunflowers, a favorite, and gold trim that was microwave safe, mostly. One side dish plate caused my appliance to arc, and did not survive the Ben Franklin key on the kite string electircal experiment. Upon the encouragement of a friend, I looked the pattern up online and determined these were somewhat valuable, although there was not a full set (See above). I liked them and used them, placing the pastels into semi-retirement.\

I showed these to Mom, back before the onset of severe Alzheimer’s, and she denied ever buying the plates with the sunflowers. She’s a notorious Depression-era hoarder (please pronounce that correctly, it’s my Mom, thank you). The lesson here, and I’m not accusing anybody, is don’t drink and go garage saling.

A friend who slipped into involuntary second-time bachelorhood was eating off of paper plates, so I sought out the dinner plates in storage. I found the set of plates we used growing up, which were a bit nicer and fewer than 82 pieces. I sanitized them and shipped them out.

Then my brother found himself in that same predicament, so I boxed up the olive drabs, and they found a new life.

In the course of stashing Christmas decorations, I found yet another set of plates. These bore a blue rural scene. Later, I found a set of plates with a gold design, numbering eight plates and dishes, and about 24 cups and saucers. In all, that house coughed up five sets of dinner plates, only two of which were acknowledged purchases.

I tried selling them all off at a garage sale, for $9 a set, a bargain at 2009 currency values, but there were no takers. Maybe I should have arranged a séance to determine the mysterious origins of the three sets of plates.

Ironically, when I moved cross-country, I did not have room for any of the dinnerware. I brought a sleeve of commemorative cups from the 1995 Ryder Cup matches and four summery yellow plastic plates. I use them so frequently that I can’t afford to leave them in the sink. For the last umpteen years, I had an electric dishwasher, so the dishes were usually out od sight.

I just purchased a set of new drinking glasses, because it’s just not right to drink scotch out of plastic. Even though I have those sunny flowered dishes packed and in storage, I started looking for a new dish, bachelor-proof , if possible. As long as you don’t leave them in the sink, you can never have too many.